Seduction Is Not All About Sex And Not All About You
Somehow amongst all of the gambits, books, and TV shows, one of the central themes of pick-up seems to have been lost. When strangers and newbies to the community talk about this skill set, the conversation always focuses on getting laid and has a mischievous and somewhat amoral undertone. It’s unfortunate, because in the end, pick-up is about so much more than getting your rocks off.
I believe there are three main principles in pick-up, three underlying themes that one should never lose sight of:
- This is about so much more than girls; this is about changing your entire life.
- I am the prize.
- Leave her better than you found her.
You’ll notice that even though we all got into this pastime to improve our sex lives, none of the central themes are focused on that specific matter. The amazing thing is that if one adheres to these three key points, a healthy sex life will surely be a byproduct.
This is about changing your life.
One of the main ways that we build attraction is through the use of Demonstrations of Higher Value (DHVs) in our storytelling. We pepper our stories with phrases designed to hit a woman’s attraction switches and there’s nothing wrong with that. But, just whose stories are you telling? Canned material should be thought of as training wheels to the emerging student. It will help you learn the concept of storytelling but should be seen as something as a temporary tool rather than a long term fixture of your game.
True, through the use of canned material and catchy, mind-blowing gambits you can seduce a woman. The real challenge, however, is not whether you can get a girl to sleep with you, but rather if you can keep her. Any girl worth gaming and worth sleeping with surely should be worth sleeping with again. But short of you being the best thing she’s ever had in bed, a woman is not going to become a part of your life if you are not worthy of her investment.
Ultimately, if all of this learned material is not congruent with your lifestyle, then your game is more smoke and mirrors than anything else. Go out there and live an interesting life. Change everything you are not content with. If you hate your job, yes, I’m advocating that you quit it and pursue something you truly care about. Get busy, load up your schedule with activities and hobbies and don’t slow down. Create a lifestyle (monetary wealth is not the most important thing here) that a woman would want to be a part of, because in the end you need to be able to bring her into your reality.
Furthermore, your interactions with everyone will improve as you continue to master this art. Your relationships with coworkers, social acquaintances, and family members will all become stronger and more positive. You will notice tremendous changes in how all others, not just beautiful women, perceive you.
I am the prize.
When I approach a woman that I have never met, I don’t award her any points or give her an immediate pass into my life. Just because she was fortunate enough to win the “gene pool lottery” doesn’t mean that we as men should automatically see her as high value.
She must earn my respect and prove that she has value. I know who I am, I know why people like me, and why I consider myself to have value but for all I know she could turn out to be a beautiful serial killer or gold digger. The entire Qualification Phase of the Mystery Method is built around this principle and this kind of mentality ultimately translates into “I am the prize.”
If you don’t believe that you deserve the girl you are gaming, you will subconsciously communicate this to your target and she will pick up on this DLV. With strong enough outer game, you may get away with not having a strong inner game a few times, but again, acting like you are worthy of someone that you yourself don’t truly believe you are will ruin any chances of keeping that person in your life.
Leave her better than you found her.
Regardless of how a pick-up goes, whether it ends in a blowout, self ejection, or some sort of close: your overall goal is to always offer value. We never want a person’s life to be worse off because of their interaction with us. Similarly, we never want someone to think of us as anything but in a positive (or worst case impartial/neutral) way.
Even if the set is rude to you and you get blown out in a nasty way, do not drop down to their level and become a smaller person by insulting them. Simply say something like “I guess you guys are too wild for me tonight. It was cool meeting you, I’m gonna get back to my friends.” Not only will your night not get ruined by bar fights and other unnecessary drama but this style of conflict resolution is 100% in line with the fundamentals of being a high value alpha male.
Showing an extreme emotional reaction to something is a sign of low value. For example, when Brad Pitt sees a beautiful woman he doesn’t flinch. And if that beautiful woman tells him to piss off, I highly doubt he’d turn into an asshole about it. He’s Brad fucking Pitt, you can be sure that he doesn’t let himself become emotionally invested in situations that have such minuscule implications on his life as a whole.
In conclusion, don’t forget this principle after the initial pick-up. Whether she goes on to become your girlfriend of five years or just an occasional hookup, you should always be seeking to make her life better.
Comments
One Comment on Seduction Is Not All About Sex And Not All About You
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Holly on
Mon, 21st Sep 2009 4:18 pm
I think that leaving the person better than they were when they met you is an awesome tip. I have had guys come up to me and become rude and offensive when I politely tell them that I just want to hang out with my friends. I have also met some really nice guys that just made me laugh when I have told them the same thing. I remember those that make me laugh.
Holly
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